Anonymom

The Clear Wing Hummingbird Moth

So anyone who knows me, knows that I lost my brother not too long ago. He was 25 years old when he passed away and it tore me all to pieces. When he passed away my father had him cremated and put some of his ashes in a beautiful urn necklace for me. I have been trying to think of a unique memorial tattoo that I could get and include, “I love you sissy,” in his handwriting from a letter I have from him…. Well, Saturday evening I got my answer.

My family and I went out to eat, and for the first time in almost a month I put my baby brothers urn necklace on to take him with us. After having a nice family meal, my husband decides he wants to go to Walmart to get a rake. We find the rakes outside in the garden center. While he is looking at rakes, me and the kids are strolling around checking out all the beautiful flowers.

Suddenly, we notice a quick little thing moving around eating nectar from the flowers. It was so bizarre and fast that we couldn’t register what we were even looking at. My son’s were debating what it was while I was admiring the uniqueness and beauty of it. One of my sons said it looked like a hummingbird, the other countered that with… no it looks like a moth. After flying away, I googled, “What looks like a moth but hovers like a hummingbird?” Low and behold they were both correct. It was a clear wing hummingbird moth!!!!! It made my whole day. I decided that will be my tattoo. After we got home, I decided to do some more research on it. The more I read the more fascinated I became!!!! I was so upset at myself for not gettin a picture of it before it flew away!!

The next day, I go grocery shopping for the week. I come home and park in our driveway by our flower bush…(I never park there and still not sure why I did this time but I am so glad I did…) Before I even reach for my door handle, there is this little guy hover around, flower to flower, eating nectar!!!! I snapped my pic, even though its super hard to get a great picture because they are super fast like hummingbirds! I swear this was my little bro sending me a, “Hey Sissy!”

So it is final, I need to find someone that can draw me a hummingbird moth eating nectar from a beautiful flower! If any of you want to attempt it and email it to me I would be greatly appreciative! Anyways, until we meet again little brother! I love and miss you more than words could ever describe!! ❤️ 👼 💗

I love you, Little Ones!!!

As I watch my children grow, my mommy heart screams, “SLOW DOWN!!” But I knew this was coming…. They have to grow up no matter how badly we would like to keep them safe, and small, and innocent! So, here is what I hope they have learned and retained throughout life no matter where they go and who they become….

I hope they remember they are never ever too old to need their mama. I will always be in their corner. Big or small, I want them to know that anytime day or night, if they need me…. I’ll be there. When they are making bad choices, they will never be too old for me to correct. I will look out for them at all times. This means sometimes I will be there even when they may not want me to be.

I hope they remember that as long as they are kind to others, honest, genuine people I will be proud of them. I hope they remember when choosing a career path, to choose something they enjoy doing… because if you do what you love and enjoy as your career, you never actually work a day in your life. I pray that they will remember that they will fall sometimes…. But the important thing is to get back up and never stop trying!

I hope they remember to be proud of themselves even on the small accomplishments. The small things add up to be the big things! Keep that in mind. 110%. I hope they know that no matter where life takes them, mama’s door is always open to them, and my home is their home and that is without an expiration date. If you need to come home, pack up and bring it on home!!

I want my babies to know that I want them to love themselves. I want them to know their worth and let no one take them for granted. I want them to know that they are my entire world. ❤️ ♥️ 💜 No matter what age they are, that little fact will never ever change!!!!

Most importantly, I want them to know without question that I love them. -Love forever and always Mommy

Live and let live

Life is too short to be so judgmental. Why does it bother you if someone is a different race, has a different sexual preference, or is the opposite sex? Why when we see a beautiful flower we pick it, or a new animal we capture it? Why do people need to feel superior and make others feel inferior? Why can’t we just appreciate beauty without killing or capturing it? Why cant we see difference as beauty?

If we were all the same, that would be pretty boring. Unfortunately, throughout the years so many people have been conditioned to hate things about themselves due to society’s definition of beauty or normalcy. So many people have hidden aspects of themselves and feared being who they genuinely are, simply because society said, “No, that’s not the norm.” Living in shame over something you were born with is absurd. The fact that human kind has made people feel this way for centuries is a complete and total shame.

Have you ever wondered how many amazing people we lost to suicide because they were gay or bisexual or enjoyed dressing like the opposite sex? How many people lived their whole lives hating themselves because of the skin they were born in? Why do we do this to one another? We spend so much time looking at others and judging, all the while, we are throwing stones from a glass house, and for what? Seriously. I will never understand racism—to me, its like for centuries we’ve been arguing over the best color in a crayon box like a bunch of 5 year olds. Time wasted. You’re white? Great. You’re light brown? Amazing. You’re dark skinned? Beautiful. Who cares and why? Fighting over someone’s sexual preference also makes no sense to me. How does someone else preferring a same sex relationship affect me? Simple answer, IT DOESN’T. And to all the people complaining that same sex relationships are being normalized and its becoming a “trend” to be gay/bi whatever….. You are the reason its being put everywhere. Had our ancestors spent less time making people feel ashamed of who they were we wouldn’t be dealing with this today because it would have already been normalized.

I know this will be a controversial post, and it is what it is…. I just think life would be so much better lived spending time doing something other than judging others for things that in no way affect us. If your child is gay/bi/trans or if their one race and want to date someone of another race, they are going to be who they are no matter where they see it or if they don’t see it at all. So why spend so much time treating these things like they are contagious. I am a white heterosexual married God fearing woman. Let God do the judging, and let us all just stay in our own lane!!

Live and let live.

My kids FAVORITE recipe!!

Ingredients for my family will be listed. You can use more or less depending on your size of family but this recipe and amounts will feed 6 and still have leftovers for lunch the next day!!!!

3 lbs hamburger meat (can be substituted with ground turkey)
3 packets of taco seasoning (we use mild)
1 12 oz bag of tortilla chips
2lbs shredded mexican blend cheese
Family size box of Velveeta Shells and cheese
8 oz of sour cream
Salsa (optional)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Brown your hamburger meat, drain grease. Return to pan. Add your water and taco seasoning, bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and place a lid on the pan, allow to simmer while boiling your velveeta shells and cheese. After the shells and cheese are done boiling, mix in the cheese packet that comes with it. Stir in the 8 oz of sour cream. Mix well.

Get your Pyrex dish ready! Spray it with a light coat of Pam non stick spray. Lay your first layer of nacho chips down. Then add a layer of your cooked and simmered hamburger taco meat. Then a layer of the shells and cheese mix, cover with shredded cheese. Repeat layers once. The very top should be crumbled nacho chips and then cover with more shredded cheese!! Bake at 400 for about 10 minutes (just long enough to melt the cheese all the way through.) Remove from oven and enjoy!!! I put the salsa on top of the serving after making plates, (some of my kids like salsa others don’t.)

My kids love this recipe so much that I purposely make extra so we can have it for lunch the next day!! I hope your kids love this recipe as much as mine does.

Post COVID

We thought we could call ourselves lucky because we made it 2 years without experiencing the virus. Unfortunately, in January of this year me, my husband and all of our babies got COVID. I was terrified of what the outcome would be because I had heard all of the horror stories of others getting it and all the terrible things that came along with it.

It started with my 12 year old son. He had been complaining with his sinuses all day on January 1. I gave him his allergy meds and he was still playful and being his normal self, just congested. At 3 am, I woke up to him standing in my door way, crying, “Mom, I am really really sick. My whole body hurts. It hurts to even walk.” My heart sank, and in that moment, I knew it was COVID. I got up and got him some Tylenol and Ibuprofen, (his fever was 103.2) I got him some Luke warm wet cloths to lay across his belly and his forehead. His fever finally came down and I watched him the rest of the night and I prayed. I prayed hard. I set an alarm to call his doctor as soon as the office opened. The office opened at 8am. At 5 am, my 8 year old came to me crying with a headache. I checked her fever and it was 102.5. Again my heart sank. COVID had intruded in our home and was running through my family. I was worried sick. My daughter, when she was a baby, would get febrile seizures. She eventually outgrew them, however, every time she gets a fever my mind goes back to those days and I can’t seem to even let her out of my sight until the fever has broke. So now I had 2 sick kids to watch and pray for. Waiting for the doctors office was the worst. It started snowing around 8 AM. I didn’t think much of it because I was certain it wouldn’t stick. Boy was I wrong. I called the office at 8, they made me an appointment for 10 AM. We left at 8:30, in hopes they would get us back faster due to the snow. Halfway to the doctors office I was slipping and fishtailing with two sick babies in the backseat of my car. I finally made it and they did take us straight back. They COVID tested both of my children and in less than five minutes a positive test was showing. It was the confirmation I knew was coming but sincerely hoped I was wrong about. We leave, fishtailing and slipping at 25 mph on the way home. I get stuck, my dad had to come get us and take us the rest of the way home. I prayed and cried and prayed some more my daddy wouldn’t get it. We got home and it spread like wildfire throughout my house. My oldest daughter came to me with a sore throat and said it felt like her nose was on fire. My husband started coughing and having full body aches. My other son was just super sleepy, but never really seemed sick or even had a fever. When it hit me, I swear my mom super powers kicked in because I was so worried about getting them all better to avoid any massive issues or hospital trips, that I forgot about myself. I had a fever and body aches but I just popped some ibuprofen and kept it moving. My biggest concern were my babies and my husband. We quarantined our two weeks. By day 3 my son, the first one to get sick, had a rash on his knees, hands and feet. When I called the doctor they said it was a “COVID rash.” I didn’t even know that was a thing until then. By day 5, he was feeling much better and the rash was going in some. On day 2 of COVID my daughter was playing and back to normal. Her only complaint was headaches. My oldest daughter slept and ran a fever. I kept getting her up to move and drink so that she wouldn’t get pneumonia and/or dehydrated. My other son, again he was super sleepy for a day or two. But no fever and no symptoms. My husband slept and kept a fever and had a really bad cough. I had to keep getting him up to move around and hydrate as well. I was told that laying down and trying to sleep it off is where a lot of people are making a big mistake. If you lay down too much, it settles in your lungs and that’s when you go into pneumonia and that can get deadly quick. Also, a helpful tip I found online when I was caring for them was, open a window even if its cold outside and you can only crack it… fresh air is a must!! My oldest daughter said that seemed to help her the most.

Thankfully, we all made it through COVID 19, however, we have noticed some lingering effects that still exist today. So, I wanted to share with you all. If you have had any similar experiences, tips or suggestions, we would love to hear from you in the comment section.

My youngest daughter, 8 years old, her only symptom throughout the duration of the virus was headaches and a fever. She still has headaches daily. Some days worse than others. That was not an issue she ever had before COVID. She also seems to stay super thirsty, especially after getting the headache.

My 12 year old son, the first to show signs of the virus- his symptoms throughout the duration of the virus were; rash between his knees, fingers and feet, High fever, sore and burning throat, and rib pain when he breathed. He has no lingering symptoms to note, the virus initially hit him the hardest.

My other son, also 12, his symptoms for the duration of the virus were being lethargic for a couple of days. Other than that no other symptoms and no lingering symptoms to note.

My oldest daughter, 15 years old, her symptoms for the duration of the virus were Congested sinuses, itchy throat, high fever and lethargy. She also has no lingering symptoms to note.

My husband and I both now seem to take longer to heal whenever we get a cut or scrape on our bodies. I get out of breath much easier than before. And things that used to smell good to me, or just simple smells I had become used to (cooking food, laundry soap, dryer sheets, body spray etc.) all smell different to me now. Please note, none of us lost our sense of smell. It simply got altered in the process of being sick for me. This was our experience of COVID. If you or someone you know has COVID or is showing signs of COVID, please take the appropriate measures to get through it and heal without spreading it further! Love, hugs and prayers sent out for everyone! ❤️ 💜 ♥️

The Circle of Life

Children come into this world a blank slate. When they get here, they are innocent and carefree. But, what happens when they experience their first loss of a family member?

I was 8 years old when I experienced the first death in my family. My papa passed away, and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was only a couple of days away from Christmas, everyone had been preparing for family get togethers and getting ready for Santa Claus…. My grandfather walked in the door of his home and fell in the floor. He had a heart attack. My father attempted to resuscitate him with no luck. By the time the ambulance arrived he was gone. I was crushed. On Christmas Eve, my granny gave me the gift my papa had gotten me. It was a Scottish doll in a plaid skirt, white button up shirt and a plaid hat. She had pigtails and she was beautiful. I held her and cried. My parents saw how hard this had hit me, so on Christmas morning I woke up to a brand new bike from Santa under the tree. On the handle of the bike, there was a note. I opened the note and read it. Through tear filled eyes, I read, “I know that you lost your papa and it hurt. He came to me and told me that you would love this bike, so I put it under the tree just for you, from him. Love, Santa.” It was amazing of my parents to help me through this and still find a way to include him Christmas morning. At his funeral, during the viewing, I could have sworn I saw him breathing. Unfortunately, my parents had to explain that it was just wishful thinking. It was hard, but of course I got through it as we all do when we lose a loved one.

Not long ago, my kids experienced their first family death, and the first time seeing mom cry. I lost my little brother, their uncle. He was only 25 years old and still full of so much life. It was completely unexpected and it hit me extremely hard. At first my youngest daughter didn’t cry, I assumed she just didn’t quite understand and was processing. My son cried as soon as he heard the news. My oldest was just super quiet through the whole ordeal. Because he was so young and an organ donor, it took a little while to get his body back from the medical examiners office to lay him to rest. I cried, a lot. The day of his funeral, at the viewing, everyone mourned and shed some tears of course. My youngest daughter, 7 at the time, was still quiet. Midway through the viewing, I look up and she is standing at my brothers coffin. Staring at him. I approach her, and as soon as I am able to see her face I realize she is silent crying. To me that is the worst. To look in your child’s face and see them silently crying and hurting. I took her to the family room of the funeral home and I held her. When she was ready, we talked. I told her that she could always come to me whenever she is sad and its okay to let it out. Her response was, “Mommy, I was trying not to cry because you’ve been crying a lot and I didn’t want to make you cry more.” I explained to her that crying is a natural response to such a loss. And that me and her could cry together and it would be fine. Later that night, at home, she broke down again and cried her little heart out while I held her. I have to say, I was relieved to see her finally let loose because I was around her age during my first loss so I completely understood needing to get all of those feelings out.

We all handle grief differently, just like we all handle life differently. As long as we accept that everyone is different and handles different situations differently… we will get through the tough stuff together. Remember the positive things about the ones you’ve lost. Smile when you hear their name, and cry when you think of them and wish they were here. Allow yourself to feel. With each passing day, it gets a little easier. It just never ever fully goes away. We keep them alive through our memories.

This blog is dedicated to my little brother, my granny and papa, and my aunt. You are all loved and missed dearly!! Happy Heavenly Easter! 🐣 Until we meet again! ❤️ 👼 👼 👼 👼

Postpartum Depression

Our bodies go through a lot of changes during pregnancy. Our hormones get out of whack. Our bodies stretch in places we never would have imagined, our chemical balance in our brains change. After the baby is here, moms body is still going through changes. Our uterus has to shrink back to size, our breasts are leaking milk. Our brains chemicals are still adjusting on top of sleepless nights. It is a lot to go through.

Many women don’t recognize the signs of postpartum depression. Little did I know, there are two forms of it. I found this out after having my first child. 1. Mom wants nothing to do with the baby after its born. 2. Mom wants no one else having anything to do with caring for the baby. I had the second version. I didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I was simply momming. I was paranoid over everything with my daughter. Nobody else was allowed to keep her, feed her, change her, bathe her… anything. I almost killed myself via lack of sleep due to biting off anyone who tried helping me’s head. If my daughter coughed, I called the doctor. If she cried and I didn’t understand the cry, I called the doctor. I mean, when I say I was ridiculous right after she was born, I mean that 100%. Her pediatrician became concerned and asked me some questions about some of my behaviors. That is what got me to go to my doctor and find out what was going on.

My doctor asked me if I had heard of Postpartum depression, and I scoffed. “Psh…. Yes, I have heard of it and no that’s not an issue with me. I want everything to do with my baby to ensure it’s done correctly.” That’s when he informed me that there are in fact two different forms of it. After that, we worked on some things and got through it. Afterwards, I realized I couldn’t take care of my daughter if I didn’t also take time to take care of myself. I mean I was so concerned about SIDS that I refused to sleep. I had to look at her and check on her every five minutes. I went on a couple hours of sleep for over a 2 week period…. I finally crashed. My body said, “woman, if you ain’t making yourself sleep…. Ill make you sleep!” And I crashed hard. I remember when I fell asleep it was dark, when I woke up it was daylight. I jumped out of my bed and ran to my daughters bassinet to check on her. She was sleeping well. I sat down…. Took a deep breath and in that moment I decided the doctor was right. What if my body had have crashed like that while I was holding her? Feeding her? Bathing her, even? All super terrifying situations. As hard as it was for me, I accepted help from my family. I learned to go to sleep instead of checking on her 24/7. It was then, that I realized how much more I was able to actually enjoy being a mom verses constantly worrying and draining my health in the process.

Postpartum depression is very real. I personally think that it deserves more attention. If you are a new mom or if you live with a new mom, married to a new mom or even just know a new mom….please pay attention and watch for signs of postpartum depression. Remember to be understanding and without judgment. Offer your help, but respect the answer mom gives you. If you notice any signs of postpartum depression please gently advise mom to go to the doctor and look into it. Don’t be ashamed to seek help and guidance. Momming isn’t always easy. Post pregnancy mind and body also isn’t always easy. Keep your head up, you’ve got this mama’s!!!!!!!

The Small Things

It is sincerely the smallest things that make our mommy hearts happy!!! A hug brightens our day, a kiss on the cheek gives us the warm fuzzies, a note or a picture from our little ones lifts our entire spirits.

I work from home. When I first started this career choice, I bought a little cork board and some tac’s to hang on the wall by my desk for quick reference notes. As I become more and more familiar with my job, those notes slowly turned into pictures drawn for me and brought to me by my amazing little ones. My children are so sweet, kind hearted and thoughtful, that these little pictures have just become a habit for them. They know I love them, and they know they make me happy. What they don’t know, is how much they actually do for me.

When I get an irate customer, or I get frustrated with something that I am working on…. I look over to my cork board of gifts from my kiddo’s and it changes my entire mood. Sometimes I wish adults would learn a thing or two from our small innocent babies. It really is the small things in life that can make the biggest differences.

The Golden Rule

“Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you.” -Confucius

I work heavily in a customer service relations environment. And a, as you all know already, I am a mommy. I work from home for a company where our main focus is researching and responding to complaints. I live by Confucius’ quote and it pays off.

As parents we have to lead by example. If not, then we get rebellious misunderstanding children. “Well you say this but do that… so why can’t I?” I know this is the outcome because it was the exact way I was as a child. (Many regrets now due to my rebellious days, but that is neither here nor there.)

Almost everyone I come into contact with on the phone compliments me on how patient I am and how well I listen. I had one lady tell me today that she wished everyone she had to interact with had my attitude and patience. In a job where all you hear are complaints, its super nice to get a compliment in the midst of their anger. I try to relay these instances to my children as best I can. In every situation I am in, I think to myself, “If I were on the other end of this, how would I want to be treated and talked to?” That’s all I want my kids to remember in their day to day lives. Before you react, think it through. Many adults need to learn this as well. (It took me a while, but I finally trained my brain to immediately go to that thought whenever I feel myself getting frustrated in the slightest.) It is also a good way to deescalate almost all situations which, in the long run, benefits you because you are less stressed and spent even less time getting to the solution of the problem by skipping all the arguing and drama.

So the next time you feel yourself getting heated or agitated, take a step back and breathe. Ask yourself, if I were them (kids, boss, customers, mom, dad, wife, etc.) and that had happened to me how would I feel and how would I want my feelings to be handled? When you arrive at an answer, start back in on the conversation and get to a solution. Remind your kids to try this as well. It’s a good way to remind ourselves that others feelings matter just as much as our own.

Rainbow Mom’s and all mom’s alike!!

Growing up, I lost a sibling to still birth. I heard stories of my grandmother losing a sibling to SID’s. I myself have had 4 miscarriages, one of which were a set of twins. I lost one at 8 weeks and the other at 11 weeks. I’ve even experienced a tubal pregnancy, and still mourned for that child even though my tubes had been tied to avoid having more children. Losing a child is the worst pain, in my opinion, that a woman can experience.

Everyone discusses the good of motherhood . Not many really discuss the losses that a lot of us experience. Those miscarriages are just as much my children as the ones that survived. I wonder day to day, would it have been a boy? A girl? Healthy? Smart and Witty? Who would they be today had I have got to meet them. I think women shy away from these conversations because there are people out there with the mentality of “oh you were only 8 weeks along it was just cell mass.” And that is the totally wrong outlook.

That mass of cells was a life that we were anxious and excited about bringing into this world. A part of us that we had anticipated— it doesn’t matter the length of time we had to anticipate it, all that matters is that we did. A positive pregnancy test changes your entire life. As soon as you see two lines your mind goes to- What can I do to prepare our world for this little blessing and all that comes along with it. When we lose that little part of us, it hurts. So be respectful to others and how they cope with the loss of a child. Even if they were 14 days along, who are you to tell someone how to grieve or mourn? Who are you to belittle someone else’s emotions because you don’t see it as a big deal??