Children – Anonymommy

Roe VS Wade— Overturned

This topic is literally a double edged sword. No matter how you run at it, its going to cut deep into the heart. Here is my opinion— and yes, I know; Opinions are like assholes. We all have one and they all stink. But here goes nothing….

There are situations out there in which abortion should be permitted without question such as rape, life threatening medical conditions, birth control fails etc. However, as woman, I cannot stand hearing that Roe VS Wade being over turned is infringing on women’s rights, and here is why.

When men are trapped into a pregnancy, and yes women, it has been done, and they are not ready for the responsibility they have absolutely no say so in the situation at all. There has never been anything there to protect men from this situation. They are slapped with child support and punished if they don’t pay it. They are ridiculed, and judged IMMEDIATELY. How is that fair to our sons?

When a man is excited for the new baby to arrive, but mom doesn’t want the responsibility; again dad has no say so. Mom can go abort without his permission. It does not matter if he wanted his child. It does not matter if his heart breaks because its his kid, but not his body. I’m not seeing how this is fair in the least.

Keep in mind I have sons and daughters to think about here…. If my daughter decides to have unprotected sex and gets pregnant, you are telling me that she should be able to go abort that pregnancy without question and go on with her life. But, if one of my sons does the same thing, he will be required to take a DNA test (if he claims its not his) and then slapped with child support for a child he was not ready for… and possibly jailed if he cannot afford to pay the child support ordered…. Again for a child that he was not ready for . So I will NEVER understand anyone saying that women have less rights than men. I cannot see how this is taking away women’s rights, as I feel that this is simply leveling the playing field. As women, we want equality; but we forget that we will never be equal because men are held to higher standards than women. Men have feelings too, they’re just not supposed to show them or they’re weak. Men have to be the bread winners, and be held accountable for their actions— it doesn’t matter that the woman made the same choices because its her womb. Babies are not only a part of the woman, but half of a whole and that other half is the dad whether you like it or not. So as women, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard— take birth control if you know you are not ready for a child, don’t sleep with a man unprotected and risk getting pregnant by a man you know you don’t want to deal with for 18 years. Communicate and find out if the man is ready to be a father, and if not practice SAFE SEX. If you think he’s cheating, or on the verge of leaving you GROW UP and talk to him about it, and if that is the case let him go, don’t trap him with a child and 18 years of child support. We need to be held accountable as well. Period. I pray hard for both my sons and daughters. It’s a painful world out there…. For both genders. Not just women.

And finally, why is everyone so set on fighting to legalize abortions, and using the poor orphans as the reason abortions should be legal instead of fighting for adoption to be made more affordable and more easily accessible? I have never understood why I could go to my local clinic and get an abortion for $350.00 or less but if I want to go adopt a a child I have to pay background fees, a lawyer, etc totaling anywhere from $5000.00-$40,000.00. How about we flip that? $5000.00+ for abortion, $350.00 ish to give a child a home full of love.

If you are happy about the over turn, then I am happy for you but remember to be mindful of the feelings of those around you that feel pretty down about the situation. If you are upset about the overturn, remember not to take it out on those that are happy about it as they have their reasons as well. Keep debates respectful, and try to look at it from all sides as all sides make some good points. Fighting it out isn’t the answer.

90’s baby- why my kids cant get away with nuffin!!

So I have been seeing these TikTok posts about 90’s kids and how we got away with things back then and it got me thinking about when I was a kid…. LOL!! As you all already know, my dad was strict! He had high expectations and you did not deviate from them without never hearing the end of it!! I appreciate it now, but back then I hated it!

So in my rebellious teen years-13 ish, my parents got me my first ever cell phone. It was the fat little Kyocera with the buttons that lit up blue and I thought I was hot ish. My bff at the time was older than me and was driving…. And I wanted to hang with her instead of going to school. Back then, your parents had to write a note and then the school office would call the number on the note to verify the accuracy.

I got the bright idea to use my cell to get out of school. My bff had to take her sister to school each morning, which meant riding straight past my mailbox. I wrote a note saying, “Michelle X will be picking my daughter up from school today at 10 AM. Thank you,” I signed my mothers name along with my cell phone number. I placed my cell phone in the mailbox and Michelle would stop and pick it up on her way to take her little sister to school. The school called, she acted like my mother and it was a go. At 10 AM she was sitting outside waiting for me to come out. I was like OMG I GOT AWAY WITH IT!!!!!!!! We spent the day having so much fun that I did it again, and again, and again for 2 weeks straight. (Kid logic, who will ever know, right?) Well after two weeks the school got smart and caught on to it.

They checked my file *hard eye roll* got my moms number from there and called her there instead…. Of course my mom answered and knew nothing of the note. At 10 AM, I go to walk out to Michelle and my principal and parents are waiting instead. I had been busted. Big time…. The fact that it took the school 2 weeks to catch on is one factor in why I am all up in my kids business at all times. Hind sight is 20/20… at the time it was fun. And now its a hilarious memory. However, as a parent— I see all the bad things that could have happened, why my dad was so mad and I realize how foolish I was. It was definitely a lesson learned and if my kids pulled this I would be furious.

My kids are learning, you cant do anything I haven’t already tried. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. 😂

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

I just want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the moms out there. No matter what made you a mom- kids of your own, step children, adoption, babies that are now angels, babies still in the womb etc. I hope you have an amazing peaceful happy weekend!! You deserve it!!

So funny story to share with you all today, because I probably will not blog tomorrow- but, my youngest daughter hates having her hair brushed. So I have started stocking up on detangler spray to ease through the morning hair brushings. Friday morning before school, we were running a little late…. Chloe comes to me and says, “Mom, where is my detangULAR spray.” We were rushing around, I was getting overwhelmed by all the “mom” this and “mom” that….. but when this child said that I stopped and made her repeat it like 4 times. It was the cutest. “DetangULAR spray mom , the stuff for my hair.” It was what I needed to drop the overwhelmed feeling and enjoy her grammatical error and chuckle at how cute it was.

I hope this made you all smile. Sorry its so short today…. But we have a lot to do here!!! Remember to appreciate yourselves and allow your kids and spouses spoil you rotten today!!!! Happy Mothers Day!! ❤️

Marriage after The Baby Arrives

Everyone discusses the cute parts of being a new mom. Funny things the baby does, cute smiles, first milestones…. All the amazing things about bringing a child into this world! It is definitely amazing, but what happens to the marriage post- baby arrival??

I struggled a little with this one at first. My husband and I brought our daughter home from the hospital. We were both proud amazed parents. She was perfect…. 10 fingers, 10 toes, beautiful, already smiling…. A great sleeper! She was a blessing! I was totally engrossed in all things pertaining to my daughter and being a new mommy. My husband would try to feed her, nope I got it. My husband would go to change her, nope Mamas got it. Bath time, I will do it. Until one day, my husband said in a very surprising tone, “Fine you do it all. I feel like you’re acting like you want to be a single mom…. So go for it.” It was in that moment that I realized I was spending all this time bonding with our daughter…. But neglecting my husband as well as interfering with his time to bond with her. It only took him 3 months to finally speak up about any of it. At first I was taken off guard and upset with him… wondering, “who does he think he is”? So I walked away because I prefer to respond rather than react. I took a few minutes to process what he had just said, and why he had just said it.

Upon reflection, I realized that once our daughter was born I did act like she was only my daughter. I also became engrossed in all things her. I had stopped trying to bond with my husband and remind him how much I love him. And as I said before, every time he tried to bond with her I stopped him and took over. I was wrong. His feelings were totally validated and it was time for me to step back, apologize and do damage control.

I approached my husband after he laid our daughter back in her play pin and gently apologized and acknowledged that he had every right to feel the way he did, and I offered him ways that I could think of that could help resolve the current issue and asked him for any suggestions that he thought would help. And I listened and delivered the follow through.

When he went to change/feed/bathe or play with our daughter, I gave him that time without interruption. When he wanted attention from me, I refused to fall back into the habit of saying not right now, I am tired…. I didn’t do that to our daughter… if she needed something I would never say not right now I am too tired, and without my husband and our loving relationship —she wouldn’t be here. So I needed to treat him with the same respect. I needed to let him know he has my heart always and I am not too tired for him either.

Marriage is hard work. But the things that count the most don’t come easy. And if it does come easy, its probably not worth it. We are exhausted after having a baby. But so is dad. We don’t feel very sexy or hot after having a baby. But we are to dad. We are focused on our babies needs and well being, but again, so is dad!!! So when dad is trying to spend time with mom, we as mom’s need to stop treating those attempts as burdens or tasks and start accepting the fact that it is a positive notion. It is undying love. It is amazing that my husband could come home from work, look at me wearing an ugly oversized t shirt with spit up on my shoulder, messy hair, no make up and bags under my eyes and still look at me in my eyes and say, “Hey gorgeous,” with a big ol’ kiss following it. I don’t think dad’s get enough credit sometimes.

My husband and I have been together going on 10 years now. We have had our up’s and down’s…. Sometimes we disagree on a parental decision but for the most part we are on the same page. And sometimes we fall into these ruts where we forget to make time to make the other one feel special and remember how much they mean to us. But the key is to respond, do not react. Do not fight and argue in front of your children, as they need to see nothing less than a united front from you both. If someone brings up an issue that has made them feel some type of way, take the conversation into a private room and be sure to listen more than you talk. Process what they are saying, ask for suggestions on how to fix the issue at hand and honestly put forth the effort to provide follow through. Guys, remember to allow yourselves to be vulnerable occasionally and ladies, never ever ever EVER make a guy feel any less of a man for showing you that vulnerability. Accept it, appreciate it, and listen to him. A relationship takes two people. I know the old saying is, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” But I feel that should be updated because both people in the relationship should be happy and respected.

I have heard so many men claim they hate their wives, or they left their wives because they treated them so badly or whatever the case was. And yet, after digging deeper into why they felt that way it was because they refused to speak up and show that vulnerable side to their wife. Women are a lot of things, but mind readers aren’t it at all. Or, in some cases the man did attempt to be vulnerable and let her know how he was feeling and she shot him down and made him feel like less of a man because he did try to talk it out. And ladies, that is not fair to him one bit.

So ladies and gentlemen, remember vulnerability is a good thing in a relationship. Remember that being an amazing mom and dad to your kids is great!!! But also remember your kids were made by you AND your husband from the love you two hold, so remember to keep that love alive in the process. Make time for each other. Leave each other little notes to let the other know you’re thinking of them on their way to work….. and last but not least don’t fall into the habit of being too tired for your spouse constantly. Sometimes is totally acceptable, but not constantly. You don’t tell your baby or your job you’re too tired to do something they need. Have the same respect for your spouse and think of a game plan that works for everyone. If they need to talk, listen. If they need a hug or a kiss, hug them and don’t let go until they let go of you to ensure they got as much time as they needed in your arms. It really is the smallest things that means the most sometimes!!

With love, from our marriage to yours 💜

Quality over Quantity

I have 3 middle schoolers…..Lord y’all PRAY FOR THIS MAMA!!!!!!!

So…. We are to the point in our lives where the lessons being learned are just a bit tougher (Middle School is the WORST!!!!!!) My kids are having to learn (the hard way might I add) that just because someone talks to you, does NOT make them a friend. It makes them an acquaintance.

I am so tired of hearing my kids make comments about their “friends” doing something that they don’t appreciate them doing, or their “friends” disrespecting them and telling their secrets etc……

We all have to learn this lesson. Quality over quantity!!!!!! If you have 2 or 3 GREAT friends that have your back, wants you to do well in life, and encourages you to do better…. That is all you need. Popularity is for the birds. Yes it would be nice to be liked by the masses, however, just because they like you to your face does not mean they are the same behind your back.

My son has a couple of bad influence “friends” that I cannot stand. He just got in trouble thanks to one of their actions. Is it their fault or problem that he got in trouble? No sir. No ma’am. It is his own fault for being a follower instead of making better choices and standing alone to do what was right. He didn’t understand that, but I bet he does now because his “friend” is not bored now that he himself is grounded. His “friend” is not affected by him not having a phone or PlayStation to cyber zombie with. *Hard Eye Roll.*

My daughter, slightly older and with different issues, has a couple of friends that make her feel horrible some days. They tell her secrets and gossip and omg I cannot stand it!!!! I have tried telling her to remove the people from her life that don’t add positivity to it. She says, “then I wont have anyone to talk to in gym.” I tried explaining it is better to have no one to talk to, rather than someone that makes you feel this badly from day to day. I also tried telling her to just talk to them but keep your private thoughts and things to yourself— you’re still talking to her, but giving her nothing to talk about. If that isn’t enough for her and she walks away, LET HER!

Some adults need to learn this too. Know your worth!! Keep people that add to your life close, and don’t be afraid to let the emotional vampires and leeches walk away. Life is too short for all of that! Love yourself and trust that the right people will love you for who your are. The wrong ones wont and that’s fine they can take a hike.

I love you, Little Ones!!!

As I watch my children grow, my mommy heart screams, “SLOW DOWN!!” But I knew this was coming…. They have to grow up no matter how badly we would like to keep them safe, and small, and innocent! So, here is what I hope they have learned and retained throughout life no matter where they go and who they become….

I hope they remember they are never ever too old to need their mama. I will always be in their corner. Big or small, I want them to know that anytime day or night, if they need me…. I’ll be there. When they are making bad choices, they will never be too old for me to correct. I will look out for them at all times. This means sometimes I will be there even when they may not want me to be.

I hope they remember that as long as they are kind to others, honest, genuine people I will be proud of them. I hope they remember when choosing a career path, to choose something they enjoy doing… because if you do what you love and enjoy as your career, you never actually work a day in your life. I pray that they will remember that they will fall sometimes…. But the important thing is to get back up and never stop trying!

I hope they remember to be proud of themselves even on the small accomplishments. The small things add up to be the big things! Keep that in mind. 110%. I hope they know that no matter where life takes them, mama’s door is always open to them, and my home is their home and that is without an expiration date. If you need to come home, pack up and bring it on home!!

I want my babies to know that I want them to love themselves. I want them to know their worth and let no one take them for granted. I want them to know that they are my entire world. ❤️ ♥️ 💜 No matter what age they are, that little fact will never ever change!!!!

Most importantly, I want them to know without question that I love them. -Love forever and always Mommy

Live and let live

Life is too short to be so judgmental. Why does it bother you if someone is a different race, has a different sexual preference, or is the opposite sex? Why when we see a beautiful flower we pick it, or a new animal we capture it? Why do people need to feel superior and make others feel inferior? Why can’t we just appreciate beauty without killing or capturing it? Why cant we see difference as beauty?

If we were all the same, that would be pretty boring. Unfortunately, throughout the years so many people have been conditioned to hate things about themselves due to society’s definition of beauty or normalcy. So many people have hidden aspects of themselves and feared being who they genuinely are, simply because society said, “No, that’s not the norm.” Living in shame over something you were born with is absurd. The fact that human kind has made people feel this way for centuries is a complete and total shame.

Have you ever wondered how many amazing people we lost to suicide because they were gay or bisexual or enjoyed dressing like the opposite sex? How many people lived their whole lives hating themselves because of the skin they were born in? Why do we do this to one another? We spend so much time looking at others and judging, all the while, we are throwing stones from a glass house, and for what? Seriously. I will never understand racism—to me, its like for centuries we’ve been arguing over the best color in a crayon box like a bunch of 5 year olds. Time wasted. You’re white? Great. You’re light brown? Amazing. You’re dark skinned? Beautiful. Who cares and why? Fighting over someone’s sexual preference also makes no sense to me. How does someone else preferring a same sex relationship affect me? Simple answer, IT DOESN’T. And to all the people complaining that same sex relationships are being normalized and its becoming a “trend” to be gay/bi whatever….. You are the reason its being put everywhere. Had our ancestors spent less time making people feel ashamed of who they were we wouldn’t be dealing with this today because it would have already been normalized.

I know this will be a controversial post, and it is what it is…. I just think life would be so much better lived spending time doing something other than judging others for things that in no way affect us. If your child is gay/bi/trans or if their one race and want to date someone of another race, they are going to be who they are no matter where they see it or if they don’t see it at all. So why spend so much time treating these things like they are contagious. I am a white heterosexual married God fearing woman. Let God do the judging, and let us all just stay in our own lane!!

Live and let live.

The Circle of Life

Children come into this world a blank slate. When they get here, they are innocent and carefree. But, what happens when they experience their first loss of a family member?

I was 8 years old when I experienced the first death in my family. My papa passed away, and I remember it like it was yesterday. It was only a couple of days away from Christmas, everyone had been preparing for family get togethers and getting ready for Santa Claus…. My grandfather walked in the door of his home and fell in the floor. He had a heart attack. My father attempted to resuscitate him with no luck. By the time the ambulance arrived he was gone. I was crushed. On Christmas Eve, my granny gave me the gift my papa had gotten me. It was a Scottish doll in a plaid skirt, white button up shirt and a plaid hat. She had pigtails and she was beautiful. I held her and cried. My parents saw how hard this had hit me, so on Christmas morning I woke up to a brand new bike from Santa under the tree. On the handle of the bike, there was a note. I opened the note and read it. Through tear filled eyes, I read, “I know that you lost your papa and it hurt. He came to me and told me that you would love this bike, so I put it under the tree just for you, from him. Love, Santa.” It was amazing of my parents to help me through this and still find a way to include him Christmas morning. At his funeral, during the viewing, I could have sworn I saw him breathing. Unfortunately, my parents had to explain that it was just wishful thinking. It was hard, but of course I got through it as we all do when we lose a loved one.

Not long ago, my kids experienced their first family death, and the first time seeing mom cry. I lost my little brother, their uncle. He was only 25 years old and still full of so much life. It was completely unexpected and it hit me extremely hard. At first my youngest daughter didn’t cry, I assumed she just didn’t quite understand and was processing. My son cried as soon as he heard the news. My oldest was just super quiet through the whole ordeal. Because he was so young and an organ donor, it took a little while to get his body back from the medical examiners office to lay him to rest. I cried, a lot. The day of his funeral, at the viewing, everyone mourned and shed some tears of course. My youngest daughter, 7 at the time, was still quiet. Midway through the viewing, I look up and she is standing at my brothers coffin. Staring at him. I approach her, and as soon as I am able to see her face I realize she is silent crying. To me that is the worst. To look in your child’s face and see them silently crying and hurting. I took her to the family room of the funeral home and I held her. When she was ready, we talked. I told her that she could always come to me whenever she is sad and its okay to let it out. Her response was, “Mommy, I was trying not to cry because you’ve been crying a lot and I didn’t want to make you cry more.” I explained to her that crying is a natural response to such a loss. And that me and her could cry together and it would be fine. Later that night, at home, she broke down again and cried her little heart out while I held her. I have to say, I was relieved to see her finally let loose because I was around her age during my first loss so I completely understood needing to get all of those feelings out.

We all handle grief differently, just like we all handle life differently. As long as we accept that everyone is different and handles different situations differently… we will get through the tough stuff together. Remember the positive things about the ones you’ve lost. Smile when you hear their name, and cry when you think of them and wish they were here. Allow yourself to feel. With each passing day, it gets a little easier. It just never ever fully goes away. We keep them alive through our memories.

This blog is dedicated to my little brother, my granny and papa, and my aunt. You are all loved and missed dearly!! Happy Heavenly Easter! 🐣 Until we meet again! ❤️ 👼 👼 👼 👼

Postpartum Depression

Our bodies go through a lot of changes during pregnancy. Our hormones get out of whack. Our bodies stretch in places we never would have imagined, our chemical balance in our brains change. After the baby is here, moms body is still going through changes. Our uterus has to shrink back to size, our breasts are leaking milk. Our brains chemicals are still adjusting on top of sleepless nights. It is a lot to go through.

Many women don’t recognize the signs of postpartum depression. Little did I know, there are two forms of it. I found this out after having my first child. 1. Mom wants nothing to do with the baby after its born. 2. Mom wants no one else having anything to do with caring for the baby. I had the second version. I didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I was simply momming. I was paranoid over everything with my daughter. Nobody else was allowed to keep her, feed her, change her, bathe her… anything. I almost killed myself via lack of sleep due to biting off anyone who tried helping me’s head. If my daughter coughed, I called the doctor. If she cried and I didn’t understand the cry, I called the doctor. I mean, when I say I was ridiculous right after she was born, I mean that 100%. Her pediatrician became concerned and asked me some questions about some of my behaviors. That is what got me to go to my doctor and find out what was going on.

My doctor asked me if I had heard of Postpartum depression, and I scoffed. “Psh…. Yes, I have heard of it and no that’s not an issue with me. I want everything to do with my baby to ensure it’s done correctly.” That’s when he informed me that there are in fact two different forms of it. After that, we worked on some things and got through it. Afterwards, I realized I couldn’t take care of my daughter if I didn’t also take time to take care of myself. I mean I was so concerned about SIDS that I refused to sleep. I had to look at her and check on her every five minutes. I went on a couple hours of sleep for over a 2 week period…. I finally crashed. My body said, “woman, if you ain’t making yourself sleep…. Ill make you sleep!” And I crashed hard. I remember when I fell asleep it was dark, when I woke up it was daylight. I jumped out of my bed and ran to my daughters bassinet to check on her. She was sleeping well. I sat down…. Took a deep breath and in that moment I decided the doctor was right. What if my body had have crashed like that while I was holding her? Feeding her? Bathing her, even? All super terrifying situations. As hard as it was for me, I accepted help from my family. I learned to go to sleep instead of checking on her 24/7. It was then, that I realized how much more I was able to actually enjoy being a mom verses constantly worrying and draining my health in the process.

Postpartum depression is very real. I personally think that it deserves more attention. If you are a new mom or if you live with a new mom, married to a new mom or even just know a new mom….please pay attention and watch for signs of postpartum depression. Remember to be understanding and without judgment. Offer your help, but respect the answer mom gives you. If you notice any signs of postpartum depression please gently advise mom to go to the doctor and look into it. Don’t be ashamed to seek help and guidance. Momming isn’t always easy. Post pregnancy mind and body also isn’t always easy. Keep your head up, you’ve got this mama’s!!!!!!!

The Small Things

It is sincerely the smallest things that make our mommy hearts happy!!! A hug brightens our day, a kiss on the cheek gives us the warm fuzzies, a note or a picture from our little ones lifts our entire spirits.

I work from home. When I first started this career choice, I bought a little cork board and some tac’s to hang on the wall by my desk for quick reference notes. As I become more and more familiar with my job, those notes slowly turned into pictures drawn for me and brought to me by my amazing little ones. My children are so sweet, kind hearted and thoughtful, that these little pictures have just become a habit for them. They know I love them, and they know they make me happy. What they don’t know, is how much they actually do for me.

When I get an irate customer, or I get frustrated with something that I am working on…. I look over to my cork board of gifts from my kiddo’s and it changes my entire mood. Sometimes I wish adults would learn a thing or two from our small innocent babies. It really is the small things in life that can make the biggest differences.