love – Anonymommy

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

I just want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the moms out there. No matter what made you a mom- kids of your own, step children, adoption, babies that are now angels, babies still in the womb etc. I hope you have an amazing peaceful happy weekend!! You deserve it!!

So funny story to share with you all today, because I probably will not blog tomorrow- but, my youngest daughter hates having her hair brushed. So I have started stocking up on detangler spray to ease through the morning hair brushings. Friday morning before school, we were running a little late…. Chloe comes to me and says, “Mom, where is my detangULAR spray.” We were rushing around, I was getting overwhelmed by all the “mom” this and “mom” that….. but when this child said that I stopped and made her repeat it like 4 times. It was the cutest. “DetangULAR spray mom , the stuff for my hair.” It was what I needed to drop the overwhelmed feeling and enjoy her grammatical error and chuckle at how cute it was.

I hope this made you all smile. Sorry its so short today…. But we have a lot to do here!!! Remember to appreciate yourselves and allow your kids and spouses spoil you rotten today!!!! Happy Mothers Day!! ❤️

Marriage after The Baby Arrives

Everyone discusses the cute parts of being a new mom. Funny things the baby does, cute smiles, first milestones…. All the amazing things about bringing a child into this world! It is definitely amazing, but what happens to the marriage post- baby arrival??

I struggled a little with this one at first. My husband and I brought our daughter home from the hospital. We were both proud amazed parents. She was perfect…. 10 fingers, 10 toes, beautiful, already smiling…. A great sleeper! She was a blessing! I was totally engrossed in all things pertaining to my daughter and being a new mommy. My husband would try to feed her, nope I got it. My husband would go to change her, nope Mamas got it. Bath time, I will do it. Until one day, my husband said in a very surprising tone, “Fine you do it all. I feel like you’re acting like you want to be a single mom…. So go for it.” It was in that moment that I realized I was spending all this time bonding with our daughter…. But neglecting my husband as well as interfering with his time to bond with her. It only took him 3 months to finally speak up about any of it. At first I was taken off guard and upset with him… wondering, “who does he think he is”? So I walked away because I prefer to respond rather than react. I took a few minutes to process what he had just said, and why he had just said it.

Upon reflection, I realized that once our daughter was born I did act like she was only my daughter. I also became engrossed in all things her. I had stopped trying to bond with my husband and remind him how much I love him. And as I said before, every time he tried to bond with her I stopped him and took over. I was wrong. His feelings were totally validated and it was time for me to step back, apologize and do damage control.

I approached my husband after he laid our daughter back in her play pin and gently apologized and acknowledged that he had every right to feel the way he did, and I offered him ways that I could think of that could help resolve the current issue and asked him for any suggestions that he thought would help. And I listened and delivered the follow through.

When he went to change/feed/bathe or play with our daughter, I gave him that time without interruption. When he wanted attention from me, I refused to fall back into the habit of saying not right now, I am tired…. I didn’t do that to our daughter… if she needed something I would never say not right now I am too tired, and without my husband and our loving relationship —she wouldn’t be here. So I needed to treat him with the same respect. I needed to let him know he has my heart always and I am not too tired for him either.

Marriage is hard work. But the things that count the most don’t come easy. And if it does come easy, its probably not worth it. We are exhausted after having a baby. But so is dad. We don’t feel very sexy or hot after having a baby. But we are to dad. We are focused on our babies needs and well being, but again, so is dad!!! So when dad is trying to spend time with mom, we as mom’s need to stop treating those attempts as burdens or tasks and start accepting the fact that it is a positive notion. It is undying love. It is amazing that my husband could come home from work, look at me wearing an ugly oversized t shirt with spit up on my shoulder, messy hair, no make up and bags under my eyes and still look at me in my eyes and say, “Hey gorgeous,” with a big ol’ kiss following it. I don’t think dad’s get enough credit sometimes.

My husband and I have been together going on 10 years now. We have had our up’s and down’s…. Sometimes we disagree on a parental decision but for the most part we are on the same page. And sometimes we fall into these ruts where we forget to make time to make the other one feel special and remember how much they mean to us. But the key is to respond, do not react. Do not fight and argue in front of your children, as they need to see nothing less than a united front from you both. If someone brings up an issue that has made them feel some type of way, take the conversation into a private room and be sure to listen more than you talk. Process what they are saying, ask for suggestions on how to fix the issue at hand and honestly put forth the effort to provide follow through. Guys, remember to allow yourselves to be vulnerable occasionally and ladies, never ever ever EVER make a guy feel any less of a man for showing you that vulnerability. Accept it, appreciate it, and listen to him. A relationship takes two people. I know the old saying is, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” But I feel that should be updated because both people in the relationship should be happy and respected.

I have heard so many men claim they hate their wives, or they left their wives because they treated them so badly or whatever the case was. And yet, after digging deeper into why they felt that way it was because they refused to speak up and show that vulnerable side to their wife. Women are a lot of things, but mind readers aren’t it at all. Or, in some cases the man did attempt to be vulnerable and let her know how he was feeling and she shot him down and made him feel like less of a man because he did try to talk it out. And ladies, that is not fair to him one bit.

So ladies and gentlemen, remember vulnerability is a good thing in a relationship. Remember that being an amazing mom and dad to your kids is great!!! But also remember your kids were made by you AND your husband from the love you two hold, so remember to keep that love alive in the process. Make time for each other. Leave each other little notes to let the other know you’re thinking of them on their way to work….. and last but not least don’t fall into the habit of being too tired for your spouse constantly. Sometimes is totally acceptable, but not constantly. You don’t tell your baby or your job you’re too tired to do something they need. Have the same respect for your spouse and think of a game plan that works for everyone. If they need to talk, listen. If they need a hug or a kiss, hug them and don’t let go until they let go of you to ensure they got as much time as they needed in your arms. It really is the smallest things that means the most sometimes!!

With love, from our marriage to yours 💜

Routines

Children need structure, even when they are crying and pouting because they do not want bedtime, or they don’t want to stop playing to eat dinner….. Structure allows them to know what to expect, when to expect it and teaches them how to plan. It provides them a stability that they may not realize they need at the moment, but they will appreciate it later in life.

When I was about 8, my parents divorced. Fortunately, there was no big court battle or tug of war with me and my brother. However, we had no structure.

My mom moved to Bassett, my dad stayed in Axton (45 mins apart), they did leave me in the same school. However, the schedule they created for me and my brother was chaotic and honestly affected me in more ways than one.

Monday and Tuesday we were with my dad. Wednesday and Thursday we were with my mom. Friday, dad. Saturday, Mom. Every other Sunday they switched. My grandmother was the bus stop, so each morning we got up to go to her house to catch the bus no matter who we were with. That was about the only constant in my life. We had no bedtime at either house. As long as we let them sleep and we were quiet we pretty much did as we wished. At mama’s we woke up super early to get to granny’s in the morning in time to catch the bus. At daddy’s house we got to sleep a little longer because we lived closer to her there.

My mother was an alcoholic. So many nights it was just me and my brother at the house until she would come strolling in around 2:30 AM because she had closed the local bar down. On school nights I would sit up with her crying, drunk out of her mind…. I was so young I didn’t really know how to cook at that point so I would make her toast or anything I could to try and sober her up. Things were extremely unbalanced and out of order at her house. She dated around a lot, drank a lot and we just never really knew what to expect there.

My dad was an authoritarian. Much more strict with higher expectations of us than my mother. Growing up, it seemed like the only time we really spent with him was getting fussed at. He meant well, he wanted us to be the best we could be in all situations…. But as my mother was an alcoholic— my father was a workaholic.

As a child, I never really knew these things had any affect on my life. Upon growing up and making more friends I was shocked to find out that kids actually had bedtimes. Children of separated families usually had more balance-school year with mom, summer with dad or vice versa. Not everyone’s mom was an alcoholic. (Dad’s being workaholics seemed the norm amongst my friends.)

In my teenage years I began having friends come spend the night with me at my moms house…. Everyone always thought she was the coolest mom ever. She left me alone to go to the bars, so to them, it was like I had a place of my own to an extent. She didn’t care what we did— for example; at age 13, My friends and I decided we wanted to go to Walmart at 2 am. She came home drunk and we asked and she allowed us AT 13 YEARS OLD to walk an hour and a half away to Walmart in the middle of the night. My friends-“OMG your mom is so cool, my mom would never let us do this!!!!” The older I got the more I realized— my mom not caring about me is definitely not cool. Not cool at all.

I began to act out at home and in school. I made self destructive choices frequently- mom let me, dad fought me the whole way. I hated them all. Little did I know I was simply craving direction, attention and stability. I was torn between a parent that expected better and one that didn’t care as long as I wasn’t ruining her fun at the bar. I hated my dad for not letting me do what I wanted and I hated my mom for not caring what I did. That is a hard place to be in as a child.

When I had my first daughter I was 19 years old. It was in that moment when they laid her on my chest after hours of labor and minutes of pushing that I vowed to find the mid way point between my parents and be all that she needed. I wanted to have high expectations for her and a strict set of rules, however I wanted her to know mistakes will happen and that as long as she chooses to learn from those mistakes she will be just fine. I wanted her to have a set bedtime, as she grew older that time changed but she had a schedule, always! I wanted her to know that no matter what happened, mama has her back and will stand strong and sober for her throughout her life. I vowed to never ever let my children see me drunk and crying about life’s woe’s while making me toast and worrying about me. I’ve managed to keep all of these vows.

Viewing mine and my brothers lifestyle growing up and choices we made and where we are today, and comparing them to my children’s personalities and actions…. I can honestly say a strong support system along with stability and solid routines make a HUGE difference in children’s lives!!! Sometimes they may not like the rules, but I promise you…. They will appreciate you more for caring than they ever will of you being the “cool” parent!

Quality over Quantity

I have 3 middle schoolers…..Lord y’all PRAY FOR THIS MAMA!!!!!!!

So…. We are to the point in our lives where the lessons being learned are just a bit tougher (Middle School is the WORST!!!!!!) My kids are having to learn (the hard way might I add) that just because someone talks to you, does NOT make them a friend. It makes them an acquaintance.

I am so tired of hearing my kids make comments about their “friends” doing something that they don’t appreciate them doing, or their “friends” disrespecting them and telling their secrets etc……

We all have to learn this lesson. Quality over quantity!!!!!! If you have 2 or 3 GREAT friends that have your back, wants you to do well in life, and encourages you to do better…. That is all you need. Popularity is for the birds. Yes it would be nice to be liked by the masses, however, just because they like you to your face does not mean they are the same behind your back.

My son has a couple of bad influence “friends” that I cannot stand. He just got in trouble thanks to one of their actions. Is it their fault or problem that he got in trouble? No sir. No ma’am. It is his own fault for being a follower instead of making better choices and standing alone to do what was right. He didn’t understand that, but I bet he does now because his “friend” is not bored now that he himself is grounded. His “friend” is not affected by him not having a phone or PlayStation to cyber zombie with. *Hard Eye Roll.*

My daughter, slightly older and with different issues, has a couple of friends that make her feel horrible some days. They tell her secrets and gossip and omg I cannot stand it!!!! I have tried telling her to remove the people from her life that don’t add positivity to it. She says, “then I wont have anyone to talk to in gym.” I tried explaining it is better to have no one to talk to, rather than someone that makes you feel this badly from day to day. I also tried telling her to just talk to them but keep your private thoughts and things to yourself— you’re still talking to her, but giving her nothing to talk about. If that isn’t enough for her and she walks away, LET HER!

Some adults need to learn this too. Know your worth!! Keep people that add to your life close, and don’t be afraid to let the emotional vampires and leeches walk away. Life is too short for all of that! Love yourself and trust that the right people will love you for who your are. The wrong ones wont and that’s fine they can take a hike.

The Clear Wing Hummingbird Moth

So anyone who knows me, knows that I lost my brother not too long ago. He was 25 years old when he passed away and it tore me all to pieces. When he passed away my father had him cremated and put some of his ashes in a beautiful urn necklace for me. I have been trying to think of a unique memorial tattoo that I could get and include, “I love you sissy,” in his handwriting from a letter I have from him…. Well, Saturday evening I got my answer.

My family and I went out to eat, and for the first time in almost a month I put my baby brothers urn necklace on to take him with us. After having a nice family meal, my husband decides he wants to go to Walmart to get a rake. We find the rakes outside in the garden center. While he is looking at rakes, me and the kids are strolling around checking out all the beautiful flowers.

Suddenly, we notice a quick little thing moving around eating nectar from the flowers. It was so bizarre and fast that we couldn’t register what we were even looking at. My son’s were debating what it was while I was admiring the uniqueness and beauty of it. One of my sons said it looked like a hummingbird, the other countered that with… no it looks like a moth. After flying away, I googled, “What looks like a moth but hovers like a hummingbird?” Low and behold they were both correct. It was a clear wing hummingbird moth!!!!! It made my whole day. I decided that will be my tattoo. After we got home, I decided to do some more research on it. The more I read the more fascinated I became!!!! I was so upset at myself for not gettin a picture of it before it flew away!!

The next day, I go grocery shopping for the week. I come home and park in our driveway by our flower bush…(I never park there and still not sure why I did this time but I am so glad I did…) Before I even reach for my door handle, there is this little guy hover around, flower to flower, eating nectar!!!! I snapped my pic, even though its super hard to get a great picture because they are super fast like hummingbirds! I swear this was my little bro sending me a, “Hey Sissy!”

So it is final, I need to find someone that can draw me a hummingbird moth eating nectar from a beautiful flower! If any of you want to attempt it and email it to me I would be greatly appreciative! Anyways, until we meet again little brother! I love and miss you more than words could ever describe!! ❤️ 👼 💗

I love you, Little Ones!!!

As I watch my children grow, my mommy heart screams, “SLOW DOWN!!” But I knew this was coming…. They have to grow up no matter how badly we would like to keep them safe, and small, and innocent! So, here is what I hope they have learned and retained throughout life no matter where they go and who they become….

I hope they remember they are never ever too old to need their mama. I will always be in their corner. Big or small, I want them to know that anytime day or night, if they need me…. I’ll be there. When they are making bad choices, they will never be too old for me to correct. I will look out for them at all times. This means sometimes I will be there even when they may not want me to be.

I hope they remember that as long as they are kind to others, honest, genuine people I will be proud of them. I hope they remember when choosing a career path, to choose something they enjoy doing… because if you do what you love and enjoy as your career, you never actually work a day in your life. I pray that they will remember that they will fall sometimes…. But the important thing is to get back up and never stop trying!

I hope they remember to be proud of themselves even on the small accomplishments. The small things add up to be the big things! Keep that in mind. 110%. I hope they know that no matter where life takes them, mama’s door is always open to them, and my home is their home and that is without an expiration date. If you need to come home, pack up and bring it on home!!

I want my babies to know that I want them to love themselves. I want them to know their worth and let no one take them for granted. I want them to know that they are my entire world. ❤️ ♥️ 💜 No matter what age they are, that little fact will never ever change!!!!

Most importantly, I want them to know without question that I love them. -Love forever and always Mommy

Live and let live

Life is too short to be so judgmental. Why does it bother you if someone is a different race, has a different sexual preference, or is the opposite sex? Why when we see a beautiful flower we pick it, or a new animal we capture it? Why do people need to feel superior and make others feel inferior? Why can’t we just appreciate beauty without killing or capturing it? Why cant we see difference as beauty?

If we were all the same, that would be pretty boring. Unfortunately, throughout the years so many people have been conditioned to hate things about themselves due to society’s definition of beauty or normalcy. So many people have hidden aspects of themselves and feared being who they genuinely are, simply because society said, “No, that’s not the norm.” Living in shame over something you were born with is absurd. The fact that human kind has made people feel this way for centuries is a complete and total shame.

Have you ever wondered how many amazing people we lost to suicide because they were gay or bisexual or enjoyed dressing like the opposite sex? How many people lived their whole lives hating themselves because of the skin they were born in? Why do we do this to one another? We spend so much time looking at others and judging, all the while, we are throwing stones from a glass house, and for what? Seriously. I will never understand racism—to me, its like for centuries we’ve been arguing over the best color in a crayon box like a bunch of 5 year olds. Time wasted. You’re white? Great. You’re light brown? Amazing. You’re dark skinned? Beautiful. Who cares and why? Fighting over someone’s sexual preference also makes no sense to me. How does someone else preferring a same sex relationship affect me? Simple answer, IT DOESN’T. And to all the people complaining that same sex relationships are being normalized and its becoming a “trend” to be gay/bi whatever….. You are the reason its being put everywhere. Had our ancestors spent less time making people feel ashamed of who they were we wouldn’t be dealing with this today because it would have already been normalized.

I know this will be a controversial post, and it is what it is…. I just think life would be so much better lived spending time doing something other than judging others for things that in no way affect us. If your child is gay/bi/trans or if their one race and want to date someone of another race, they are going to be who they are no matter where they see it or if they don’t see it at all. So why spend so much time treating these things like they are contagious. I am a white heterosexual married God fearing woman. Let God do the judging, and let us all just stay in our own lane!!

Live and let live.

The Small Things

It is sincerely the smallest things that make our mommy hearts happy!!! A hug brightens our day, a kiss on the cheek gives us the warm fuzzies, a note or a picture from our little ones lifts our entire spirits.

I work from home. When I first started this career choice, I bought a little cork board and some tac’s to hang on the wall by my desk for quick reference notes. As I become more and more familiar with my job, those notes slowly turned into pictures drawn for me and brought to me by my amazing little ones. My children are so sweet, kind hearted and thoughtful, that these little pictures have just become a habit for them. They know I love them, and they know they make me happy. What they don’t know, is how much they actually do for me.

When I get an irate customer, or I get frustrated with something that I am working on…. I look over to my cork board of gifts from my kiddo’s and it changes my entire mood. Sometimes I wish adults would learn a thing or two from our small innocent babies. It really is the small things in life that can make the biggest differences.