pregnancy – Anonymommy

Roe VS Wade— Overturned

This topic is literally a double edged sword. No matter how you run at it, its going to cut deep into the heart. Here is my opinion— and yes, I know; Opinions are like assholes. We all have one and they all stink. But here goes nothing….

There are situations out there in which abortion should be permitted without question such as rape, life threatening medical conditions, birth control fails etc. However, as woman, I cannot stand hearing that Roe VS Wade being over turned is infringing on women’s rights, and here is why.

When men are trapped into a pregnancy, and yes women, it has been done, and they are not ready for the responsibility they have absolutely no say so in the situation at all. There has never been anything there to protect men from this situation. They are slapped with child support and punished if they don’t pay it. They are ridiculed, and judged IMMEDIATELY. How is that fair to our sons?

When a man is excited for the new baby to arrive, but mom doesn’t want the responsibility; again dad has no say so. Mom can go abort without his permission. It does not matter if he wanted his child. It does not matter if his heart breaks because its his kid, but not his body. I’m not seeing how this is fair in the least.

Keep in mind I have sons and daughters to think about here…. If my daughter decides to have unprotected sex and gets pregnant, you are telling me that she should be able to go abort that pregnancy without question and go on with her life. But, if one of my sons does the same thing, he will be required to take a DNA test (if he claims its not his) and then slapped with child support for a child he was not ready for… and possibly jailed if he cannot afford to pay the child support ordered…. Again for a child that he was not ready for . So I will NEVER understand anyone saying that women have less rights than men. I cannot see how this is taking away women’s rights, as I feel that this is simply leveling the playing field. As women, we want equality; but we forget that we will never be equal because men are held to higher standards than women. Men have feelings too, they’re just not supposed to show them or they’re weak. Men have to be the bread winners, and be held accountable for their actions— it doesn’t matter that the woman made the same choices because its her womb. Babies are not only a part of the woman, but half of a whole and that other half is the dad whether you like it or not. So as women, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard— take birth control if you know you are not ready for a child, don’t sleep with a man unprotected and risk getting pregnant by a man you know you don’t want to deal with for 18 years. Communicate and find out if the man is ready to be a father, and if not practice SAFE SEX. If you think he’s cheating, or on the verge of leaving you GROW UP and talk to him about it, and if that is the case let him go, don’t trap him with a child and 18 years of child support. We need to be held accountable as well. Period. I pray hard for both my sons and daughters. It’s a painful world out there…. For both genders. Not just women.

And finally, why is everyone so set on fighting to legalize abortions, and using the poor orphans as the reason abortions should be legal instead of fighting for adoption to be made more affordable and more easily accessible? I have never understood why I could go to my local clinic and get an abortion for $350.00 or less but if I want to go adopt a a child I have to pay background fees, a lawyer, etc totaling anywhere from $5000.00-$40,000.00. How about we flip that? $5000.00+ for abortion, $350.00 ish to give a child a home full of love.

If you are happy about the over turn, then I am happy for you but remember to be mindful of the feelings of those around you that feel pretty down about the situation. If you are upset about the overturn, remember not to take it out on those that are happy about it as they have their reasons as well. Keep debates respectful, and try to look at it from all sides as all sides make some good points. Fighting it out isn’t the answer.

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

I just want to wish a Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the moms out there. No matter what made you a mom- kids of your own, step children, adoption, babies that are now angels, babies still in the womb etc. I hope you have an amazing peaceful happy weekend!! You deserve it!!

So funny story to share with you all today, because I probably will not blog tomorrow- but, my youngest daughter hates having her hair brushed. So I have started stocking up on detangler spray to ease through the morning hair brushings. Friday morning before school, we were running a little late…. Chloe comes to me and says, “Mom, where is my detangULAR spray.” We were rushing around, I was getting overwhelmed by all the “mom” this and “mom” that….. but when this child said that I stopped and made her repeat it like 4 times. It was the cutest. “DetangULAR spray mom , the stuff for my hair.” It was what I needed to drop the overwhelmed feeling and enjoy her grammatical error and chuckle at how cute it was.

I hope this made you all smile. Sorry its so short today…. But we have a lot to do here!!! Remember to appreciate yourselves and allow your kids and spouses spoil you rotten today!!!! Happy Mothers Day!! ❤️

Marriage after The Baby Arrives

Everyone discusses the cute parts of being a new mom. Funny things the baby does, cute smiles, first milestones…. All the amazing things about bringing a child into this world! It is definitely amazing, but what happens to the marriage post- baby arrival??

I struggled a little with this one at first. My husband and I brought our daughter home from the hospital. We were both proud amazed parents. She was perfect…. 10 fingers, 10 toes, beautiful, already smiling…. A great sleeper! She was a blessing! I was totally engrossed in all things pertaining to my daughter and being a new mommy. My husband would try to feed her, nope I got it. My husband would go to change her, nope Mamas got it. Bath time, I will do it. Until one day, my husband said in a very surprising tone, “Fine you do it all. I feel like you’re acting like you want to be a single mom…. So go for it.” It was in that moment that I realized I was spending all this time bonding with our daughter…. But neglecting my husband as well as interfering with his time to bond with her. It only took him 3 months to finally speak up about any of it. At first I was taken off guard and upset with him… wondering, “who does he think he is”? So I walked away because I prefer to respond rather than react. I took a few minutes to process what he had just said, and why he had just said it.

Upon reflection, I realized that once our daughter was born I did act like she was only my daughter. I also became engrossed in all things her. I had stopped trying to bond with my husband and remind him how much I love him. And as I said before, every time he tried to bond with her I stopped him and took over. I was wrong. His feelings were totally validated and it was time for me to step back, apologize and do damage control.

I approached my husband after he laid our daughter back in her play pin and gently apologized and acknowledged that he had every right to feel the way he did, and I offered him ways that I could think of that could help resolve the current issue and asked him for any suggestions that he thought would help. And I listened and delivered the follow through.

When he went to change/feed/bathe or play with our daughter, I gave him that time without interruption. When he wanted attention from me, I refused to fall back into the habit of saying not right now, I am tired…. I didn’t do that to our daughter… if she needed something I would never say not right now I am too tired, and without my husband and our loving relationship —she wouldn’t be here. So I needed to treat him with the same respect. I needed to let him know he has my heart always and I am not too tired for him either.

Marriage is hard work. But the things that count the most don’t come easy. And if it does come easy, its probably not worth it. We are exhausted after having a baby. But so is dad. We don’t feel very sexy or hot after having a baby. But we are to dad. We are focused on our babies needs and well being, but again, so is dad!!! So when dad is trying to spend time with mom, we as mom’s need to stop treating those attempts as burdens or tasks and start accepting the fact that it is a positive notion. It is undying love. It is amazing that my husband could come home from work, look at me wearing an ugly oversized t shirt with spit up on my shoulder, messy hair, no make up and bags under my eyes and still look at me in my eyes and say, “Hey gorgeous,” with a big ol’ kiss following it. I don’t think dad’s get enough credit sometimes.

My husband and I have been together going on 10 years now. We have had our up’s and down’s…. Sometimes we disagree on a parental decision but for the most part we are on the same page. And sometimes we fall into these ruts where we forget to make time to make the other one feel special and remember how much they mean to us. But the key is to respond, do not react. Do not fight and argue in front of your children, as they need to see nothing less than a united front from you both. If someone brings up an issue that has made them feel some type of way, take the conversation into a private room and be sure to listen more than you talk. Process what they are saying, ask for suggestions on how to fix the issue at hand and honestly put forth the effort to provide follow through. Guys, remember to allow yourselves to be vulnerable occasionally and ladies, never ever ever EVER make a guy feel any less of a man for showing you that vulnerability. Accept it, appreciate it, and listen to him. A relationship takes two people. I know the old saying is, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” But I feel that should be updated because both people in the relationship should be happy and respected.

I have heard so many men claim they hate their wives, or they left their wives because they treated them so badly or whatever the case was. And yet, after digging deeper into why they felt that way it was because they refused to speak up and show that vulnerable side to their wife. Women are a lot of things, but mind readers aren’t it at all. Or, in some cases the man did attempt to be vulnerable and let her know how he was feeling and she shot him down and made him feel like less of a man because he did try to talk it out. And ladies, that is not fair to him one bit.

So ladies and gentlemen, remember vulnerability is a good thing in a relationship. Remember that being an amazing mom and dad to your kids is great!!! But also remember your kids were made by you AND your husband from the love you two hold, so remember to keep that love alive in the process. Make time for each other. Leave each other little notes to let the other know you’re thinking of them on their way to work….. and last but not least don’t fall into the habit of being too tired for your spouse constantly. Sometimes is totally acceptable, but not constantly. You don’t tell your baby or your job you’re too tired to do something they need. Have the same respect for your spouse and think of a game plan that works for everyone. If they need to talk, listen. If they need a hug or a kiss, hug them and don’t let go until they let go of you to ensure they got as much time as they needed in your arms. It really is the smallest things that means the most sometimes!!

With love, from our marriage to yours 💜

Postpartum Depression

Our bodies go through a lot of changes during pregnancy. Our hormones get out of whack. Our bodies stretch in places we never would have imagined, our chemical balance in our brains change. After the baby is here, moms body is still going through changes. Our uterus has to shrink back to size, our breasts are leaking milk. Our brains chemicals are still adjusting on top of sleepless nights. It is a lot to go through.

Many women don’t recognize the signs of postpartum depression. Little did I know, there are two forms of it. I found this out after having my first child. 1. Mom wants nothing to do with the baby after its born. 2. Mom wants no one else having anything to do with caring for the baby. I had the second version. I didn’t realize it at the time, I thought I was simply momming. I was paranoid over everything with my daughter. Nobody else was allowed to keep her, feed her, change her, bathe her… anything. I almost killed myself via lack of sleep due to biting off anyone who tried helping me’s head. If my daughter coughed, I called the doctor. If she cried and I didn’t understand the cry, I called the doctor. I mean, when I say I was ridiculous right after she was born, I mean that 100%. Her pediatrician became concerned and asked me some questions about some of my behaviors. That is what got me to go to my doctor and find out what was going on.

My doctor asked me if I had heard of Postpartum depression, and I scoffed. “Psh…. Yes, I have heard of it and no that’s not an issue with me. I want everything to do with my baby to ensure it’s done correctly.” That’s when he informed me that there are in fact two different forms of it. After that, we worked on some things and got through it. Afterwards, I realized I couldn’t take care of my daughter if I didn’t also take time to take care of myself. I mean I was so concerned about SIDS that I refused to sleep. I had to look at her and check on her every five minutes. I went on a couple hours of sleep for over a 2 week period…. I finally crashed. My body said, “woman, if you ain’t making yourself sleep…. Ill make you sleep!” And I crashed hard. I remember when I fell asleep it was dark, when I woke up it was daylight. I jumped out of my bed and ran to my daughters bassinet to check on her. She was sleeping well. I sat down…. Took a deep breath and in that moment I decided the doctor was right. What if my body had have crashed like that while I was holding her? Feeding her? Bathing her, even? All super terrifying situations. As hard as it was for me, I accepted help from my family. I learned to go to sleep instead of checking on her 24/7. It was then, that I realized how much more I was able to actually enjoy being a mom verses constantly worrying and draining my health in the process.

Postpartum depression is very real. I personally think that it deserves more attention. If you are a new mom or if you live with a new mom, married to a new mom or even just know a new mom….please pay attention and watch for signs of postpartum depression. Remember to be understanding and without judgment. Offer your help, but respect the answer mom gives you. If you notice any signs of postpartum depression please gently advise mom to go to the doctor and look into it. Don’t be ashamed to seek help and guidance. Momming isn’t always easy. Post pregnancy mind and body also isn’t always easy. Keep your head up, you’ve got this mama’s!!!!!!!